Go get your mother

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"  The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly with a cane slowly walks up to the
moving walls and pressed a button.  The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.
 
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."


Good trade

A guy is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"   "I got it for my wife," answers Bob.

"Oh! Good trade."


Just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a penny a point?

Horowitz was feeling ill at the shop and left after lunch to go home.  He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be making love to my wife?"

The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her.  I understand you're a gambler.  Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me?  If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.  Okay?"

"Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a penny a point?"


You miserable b--ch you've ruined my life

Guy remarks to a friend that he just committed a really embarassing Freudian slip at work.  His friend commiserates with him.  "Yeah I known what you mean.  This morning at breakfast I did the same thing.  I meant to ask my wife to pass the sugar, but instead I said 'You miserable b--ch, you've ruined my life.'"