OK, This time you hold the pigeon down, and I'll crap on him

For decades two barely clothed, beautiful statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven and approached the statues.

"You've been such exemplary statues, inspiring so many romantic human relationships" the angel announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life or thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! This time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on him!"


Try to make a canoe out of me now 

A Frenchman, a Brit and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals.  Taken up the river to the camp they regain consciousness to find themselves tied to a stake with a big vat of boiling oil in front of them.  "Do you know what we are going to do with you know?", the chief asked them.  "We're going to lower you into this vat of boiling oil, peel the skin from your bodies, and turn you into a canoe."

With that the entire camp roared in approval.  The chief asked, "Who would like to go first, and what is your last request?"  The Brit volunteered to go first.  "I'd like a nice cup of tea please."

The cannibals prepared the tea, served on fine china, and after drinking it slowly, the Brit cast the cup into the fire and yelled "Long live the Queen."  With that he was boiled in oil.

The chief asked "Who would like to go next?"  The Frenchman replied "I will go next.  For my last request I would like a glass of fine Bordeaux." The cannibals poured a glass of '63 LaFite, served in fine glassware, and after drinking it slowly, the Frenchman cast the glass into the fire and yelled "Vive la France."  With that he was boiled in oil.

This left the New Yorker.  The chief asked "What is your last request?"  The New Yorker answered, "a fork." 

"A fork?  What are you going to do with a fork?" said the chief, but he returned with a fork.  The New Yorker glanced to his left, glanced to his right, and then began stabbing himself all over his body with the fork. and shouted  "Try to make a canoe out of me now!"