Mom's up on the Roof

One brother is very attached to his cat, so much so that he never goes on vacation lest he leave the cat in someone else's care.  FInally his brother convinces him to go to London for a week and enjoy himself.  "I'll take great care of the cat, don't worry."  Reluctantly, the brother gets on the plane to London, and as soon as he checks into his hotel he calls his brother.

"Is the cat ok?", he asked.  His brother replied, "Actually, the cat is dead."

Shocked, the brother locks himself in his hotel room for three days, phone off the hook, absolutely despondant.  Finally he recovers enough to call his brother back.  "So what happened to the cat?", he asked.  "Well, just after your flight left she climbed up a 30 foot tree, tried to jump  to another branch, fell, and died." 

"Oh, that's terrible" the brother replied.  "I forgive you, it clearly wasn't your fault.  But that's not the best way to handle giving someone terrible news like that.  What you should have done is tell me the cat was on the roof.  Then the fire department was called, they tried to get her down but she fell and broke his leg.  The next day you can tell me that  infection set in, and the third day that she finally died.  This way it doesn't come as such a shock.  But I forgive you.  So, how's Mom?"

"Mom's up on the roof."


Got any Grapes?

A duck walks into a bar, jumps up on the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any grapes?"  Bartender says "I don't have any grapes, get the heck out of my bar", and knocks the duck off the bar. 

The next day the same duck walks into the bar, jumps up on the bar, sticks his beak in the bartender's face and asks "Got any grapes?"  The bartender grabs the dcuk around the neck and says "I told you yesterday I don't have any grapes, I am telling you today I don't have any grapes, and if you every come into my bar again and ask for grapes, I am going to nail those webbed feet of yours to the bar.  Do you hear me?"  And the bartender threw the duck out of the bar.

The next day the same duck walks into the bar, jumps up on the bar, sticks his beak in the bartender's face and asks "Got any nails?"  Confused, the bartender replies "No."  The duck says "Got any grapes?"