I just love hearing it over and over again
A broker puts his client 100% into internet stocks at the top of the market. Three months later the client is wiped out, and calls the broker, George Stevens. The broker's sales assistant answers the phone. "I am very sorry sir, but Mr. Stevens was killed in a tragic auto accident yesterday. The customer says he's so sorry and hangs up.
The next day the same customer calls the broker again. Again, the broker's sales assistant answers the phone. "I am very sorry sir, but Mr. Stevens was killed in a tragic auto accident yesterday. The customer says he's so sorry and hangs up.
The third day the same customer calls the broker again. Again, the broker's sales assistant answers the phone. "I am very sorry sir, but Mr. Stevens was killed in a tragic auto accident yesterday. Didn't I tell you this yesterday, and the day before as well? Why do you keep on calling him?"
"I dunno, I just love hearing it over and over again."
Now you're a client
There once was an investment banker who lived his whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people he dealt with. In fact, he made sure that every sale he made was a win-win situation. One day, while walking down the street, he was tragically hit by a bus, and he died. His soul arrived up in heaven, where he was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in, though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an investment banker make it this far, and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the investment banker. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven, and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind ... I prefer to stay in Heaven." "Sorry, we have rules .." And with that St. Peter put the investment banker in an elevator, and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and the investment banker found himself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club, and standing in front of him were all his friends - fellow investment bankers that he had worked with and they were all dressed in tuxedos and cheering for him. They ran up and slapped him on his back, and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club, where he enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. He met the Devil, who was actually a really nice guy and he had a great time telling jokes and dancing.
The investment banker was having such a good time that before he knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook his hand and waved goodbye as he got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates, and St.Peter waiting for him. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven."
So the investment banker spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. He had a great time, and before he knew it, his 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got him. "So, you've spent a day in hell, and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity." The investment banker paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and again the investment banker went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened, he found himself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. He saw his friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to him and put his arm around him. "I don't understand," stammered the investment banker. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club, and we ate lobster, and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage, and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at him and smiled. "That's because yesterday you were a prospect, but today you're a client."
Before you hang up the phone
What's the difference between the buy side and the sell side?
On the buy side you say a--hole before you hang up the phone.
You're the first floor broker
A floor broker dies and goes to heaven. When he reaches the pearly gates he is asked to wait in the back of a golf cart. Soon afterwards he is joined in the cart by Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul II. An angel then jumps in the driver's seat and says "Welcome to Heaven everyone. I'll be taking you to your home for eternity. "
The golf cart travels into more and more desparate neighborhoods, and pulls up in front of a broken down home. "Mother Theresa, this is your home for eternity." The neighborhood only gets worse, and they pull up in front of a tenement. "Pope John Paul II, this is your home for eternity."
The floor broker is terrified of what is waiting for him. Suddenly the cart pulls up a circular driveway with an enormous mansion and a full staff outside to greet them. "This is your home for eternity" the angel says. "But Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa got terrible homes. I've been ripping off customers for years on the floor, why do I get this mansion. There must be some mistake."
"Oh there's no mistake," replied the angel. "We have plenty of saints, and tons of Popes up here. You're the first floor broker."